my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
