That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
