For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
