i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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