hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
