it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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