Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
