He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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