Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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