That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
