Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
