So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize