i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
