So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
