real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize