Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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