I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
