I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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