i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
