This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
