I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We left the knife in your bed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
