I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
