if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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