Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
