zippers are such a cool invention
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
