we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
