whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
