Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
