I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
