I think im going to throw up on grandma
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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