Dual....:-)
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
where are you?
Hypothermia
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize