And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
