Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
