nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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