battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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