I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
