I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
