I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
