Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
