i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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