and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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