If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
