I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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