turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
