if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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