You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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