i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
