I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
