I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
