oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
