guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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