"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how do flat chested girls get laid?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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