Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
