Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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