i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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