I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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