Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
