I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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