she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
