we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize