Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize