East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
babies were throwing up all over the place
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
