I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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