I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
