also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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