i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
