You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize