He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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