DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
