Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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