The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
