I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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