We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize