so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
