The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
