I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
