If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
As shirtless as possible
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
