The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Couch. On fire.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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